Hokey pokey - thanks guys.

I like the power-switch interface idea, and as I do lots of electronic design work especially with PIC microcontrollers, I could easily build a small circuit which would do this. My first thoughts(for simplicity really), would be a small transformer running from the normal mains input(not the UPS output), which simply provides a reference voltage to a PIC input pin. You could do it even cheaper with a diode(or bridge rectifier) and a potential divider, but for safety and mains isolation, I prefer the transformer method...(i have lots of low power ones doing nothing but gathering dust!).
The rest of the circuit would be powered by tapping into the UPS 12v battery or batteries.
So, while the mains is up, the tranny provides a reference voltage to the controller, which vanishes when the mains fails. The circuit still being powered by the UPS battery supply, picks up on this, and trips a one-shot relay across the computer power-button contacts, which if what "NickC" says is correct, would shut down the server.
I could program the PIC for whatever "ON" time was needed before releasing the computer power-button, but as "NickC" says, about 0.5 seconds seems about normal...
Using the PIC, I could even have a timer routine when the mains fails, so that it only shuts off the server after a few minutes(depending on how juicy the UPS is).
This has possibilities, and sounds like it would be easier to do then using RS232 control...